


Rent Free

by SpaceCadetMurray



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Growing Up, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secret Organizations, Species Swap, The Almighty Tallest Being Assholes (Invader Zim), Zim Has Histrionic Personality Disorder, eventual irken Dib and Gaz, eventual zasr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22881916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCadetMurray/pseuds/SpaceCadetMurray
Summary: "Zim doesn't pay rent for you to critique his plans," Zim scowled.Staring down his cousin, Computer tried his best to remember that it wasn't becoming of an adult to deck a kid of a much younger age. Even if they were related.Folding his hands together with as much restraint as he could muster, he said as plainly and apathetically as he could, "You don't pay rent."Or: Computer is suddenly saddled with taking care of his three younger cousins. It's anything but a walk in a park.
Relationships: GIR & Minimoose & Zim (Invader Zim), Invader Skoodge/Zim
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	1. Blood Relations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Computer wasn't a character tag, tsk tsk.
> 
> Hello! This is my first IZ fic, very excited to start this! I've been writing on ao3 for, oh, four years now, but only for one fandom, you know how it goes.
> 
> Big thanks and kisses to my Beta, Erin, for cleaning up this chapter for me. I hope you all enjoy!

Computer is only seventeen when the other side of his family decided to actually get involved with the rest of them. 

He has hardly ever seen his Aunt Miyuki or Uncle Spork- only in the few casual photos hanging around his parent’s place. All he knows is that Spork is related to his father, and that's about it. Nothing much about Miyuki, only that she and Spork worked in the same office so they often had a guest room for the other when it was necessary. He wasn't even certain if she was blood-related to him.

So the fact that they got invited out of nowhere to come celebrate the New Year’s with them was beyond surprising. 

And of course, he was dragged to it despite the fact that he'd rather be home alone sleeping through the whole celebration.

Instead, he finds himself awkwardly seated at a low child's play table, knees to his chest from how small the stool he's sitting on is, staring at the cousin he didn't even know existed an hour ago.

His cousin is a very tiny thing, staring up at him with unnaturally bright purple eyes and deep black hair. He practically towers over the child.

"Zim has never heard of you," his cousin scours. "Who are you?"

And the kid just happened to have the weirdest speaking tic.

Adjusting in his pink plastic chair, Computer wonders how the hell he got saddled at the clearly designated kid table despite being _seventeen,_ "I'm-"

Slamming his tiny fists onto the table, rattling the plastic cups and causing a few droplets of juice to fly out of it, his cousin demands, "WHO ARE YOU?"

The day is hardly even over and he already has a headache, "I'm-"

Now Zim was shaking his fists as he looked up at Computer, _"WHO-"_

Having had enough of that, he reached over and slapped his hand across the gremlin's mouth, silencing him and answering his question all the same, "My name is Computer."

Glowering at him until he removed his hand, Zim squinted one eye closed and widened the other, cocking his head as he asked, "Computer? You are a robot?"

"No, that's just my name," having gone through this whole spiel multiple times before he suppressed the commonplace annoyance that he got when people question why his parents would name him that.

"Do not lie to Zim!" his cousin hissed. "I am far smarter than other kids my age, I know what a robot is. So spill!"

"We're related, why would I be a robot?" he glanced over at his father, wondering how much longer he'd have to sit at this table.

"Do you have lasers?" Zim peered at him as if trying to find the seams in his design. 

"No, because I'm human," seriously there's no way this kid was related to him.

"If Zim had designed you, then you would have had lasers," his cousin apparently had selective hearing only.

Thankfully, before Computer could snap at his cousin, Aunt Miyuki walked over and settled down a plate in front of her son, saying, "Are you having a fun time dear?"

Immediately, his cousin’s posture straightened, and he stared at his mother with full attention, saying, "Why did you not tell me that I had a cousin? Or that he was also made in a laboratory?"

Aunt Miyuki laughed, but Computer only shivered at the sound, and he watched as she ran her hands through Zim's hair, "No one was made the same way as you, don't worry, my darling."

Zim didn't seem like he believed her but left it alone, turning his attention to his very pathetic looking plate of food, with two tablets in a small container on the side.

Before he could pick up his fork, Aunt Miyuki laid her hand on top of his and chided, "Your pills first."

Sighing, he picked up the little tablets and swallowed them with a grimace, drinking from his cup to help wash them down. 

Scowling, he looked up at her and said, "Zim doesn't like them."

"But they make you healthier, sweetie," she rubbed her hand against his back. Looking up, she finally addressed Computer, "You can go ahead and serve yourself as you please, dear. The food's laid out in the kitchen, it's all warm and ready."

"Thank you," he says only because he doesn't know what to say in the face of this very tall individual, and that's saying something considering how lanky he had become ever since his last growth spurt.

Smiling superficially with her red painted lips, she heads back towards where the other adults are.

Zim wears a grimace as he props up his face on his hand as he pokes at his food with his fork.

Computer gets up to get some food because he might as well eat if he's gonna be spending the night here. He returns just as quick to avoid walking into idle talk with people he doesn't even know.

Settling down, chair squeaking under his weight, he notices that Zim has barely even made a dent in his food. He wouldn't be surprised if it weren’t for the fact that Zim hadn't even taken a single bite yet.

Scooping up some vegetables, Computer puts his spoon in his mouth, watching as his cousin's eyes track the movement. Only then does Zim raise his own utensil to his mouth to swallow.

Ok then.

If Computer picked up his drink then so did Zim, if he switched to a fork instead then so did his cousin. Neither of them said a single word, only staring at the other intensely- in Computer’s case bewilderment, and in Zim’s case focus.

"Zim has never had a family member who is not an adult in his life," the kid announces, after copying him for a few minutes. "You are a... _nice_ surprise, I suppose."

Oh, that was actually surprisingly wholesome. Considering how isolated from the family he must have been up until that point, it's actually kinda upsetting.

"Well," Computer starts awkwardly, looking down at his plate. "At least now you know that you have more family out there if you need them. I guess."

Nodding, Zim brings his cup to his face for the tiniest of sips- everything about this kid was miniature in nature it seemed- and then he announces, "I want a brother. I would be the best older sibling, of course, for everything Zim does is inherently great."

Choosing to ignore the self-indulgent boasting towards the end, the firmness of Zim voice told him that Zim was completely serious. Besides, it is a very normal want for an only child. Hell, at one point, even Computer wanted a sibling before he quickly realized that he could hardly tolerate living under the same roof as his parents so having a mini-terror around would be even worse.

The only other thing he remembers about that night is him dimly watching the ball drop to indicate the new year and listening in the background as Aunt Miyuki brings Zim, who had long since passed out on the couch, upstairs to his room.

* * *

The only other time that he had seen his cousin, aunt, and uncle was when they held a baby shower the next year while he was in the process of getting the hell out of his parents’ house. 

He only went to the party because he wanted to see Zim at least once more before he cut off all connections to his family. He didn't need them holding him down while he went off to college.

But he hardly got a chance to talk to the kid because Zim was following around his mother, babbling to her about when she would be finished manufacturing his sibling.

Which had him blinking all for a moment before remembering the strange comments the kid had made the previous year and realizing it wasn't _just_ strange shit that kids tended to say.

The only time he would have expected to get a chance to talk to his cousin would have been when he was seated at that ridiculous kids table again. However, when he made his way over there he was abruptly stopped by his aunt.

"Oh no, Computer, you're much too old to sit there," she told him. "You can sit with your fellow adults now, dear." 

It didn't feel right leaving Zim to sit alone like that- the kid was staring at him expectantly, hardly an inch taller than how he was last Computer saw him a year ago- but with the way that Aunt Miyuki had her manicured nails digging into Computer’s shoulder, he was pretty sure he didn't have much of a choice.

Which sucked, and he spent the whole dinner ignoring all and any adults that tried to speak to him, watching as his cousin angrily stabbed at his food.

It really sucked. Like a lot. But he already kinda knew that family was nothing but trouble anyhow so he's not sure why he's surprised.

When he gets back to his house, he just continues to pack his bags. He tried at the very least.

* * *

His parents died during his second year at college. Car accident.

Computer didn’t go to the funeral, too many fights about who he wanted to be versus what his parents wanted for him had left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth even after all the time that has passed. 

He didn’t visit their graves until the day after the burial. He stood there looking at the still fresh flowers that blocked the engraving on his father's grave, obscuring _Brain Controllar._

He didn't bring any flowers to leave, and he walked away without a word.

* * *

He's laying down on his couch in his very own home, now twenty-four and enjoying life as much as he could while working the latest fucking shifts possible when he gets a call on his landline.

Groaning, he pushes himself off the couch, his brown bathrobe swishing with the movement- he has work in an hour but he's pushing off getting into uniform for as long as he can- and he answers it with a terse, "Hello."

"Hello, is this Mr. Controllar speaking?" a bored male voice sounds out from the receiver.

"Yes," he waits a beat before tacking on. "I'm not interested in whatever you're selling. Goodby-"

"I'm actually from the police department," and that stops him right in his tracks from hanging up. Readjusting the phone in his hand, his curiosity spikes. What could the police want with _him?_ "We need you to come down here."

"What for?" he asks, worry growing in his chest uncomfortably.

"Your cousins are here," the man responds before a popping sound happens, and Computer just knows that he's chewing a piece of gum. Wait, cousins? "Oh, and your aunt and uncle are dead. Probably should have mentioned that first."

Dead? Aunt Miyuki and Uncle Spork? Then that means-

"I'll be right there," he tells the man. He closes the line, ignoring the _'sure, whatever',_ and calls up his manager.

"Slab Rankle? Yeah, I can't come in today- why? Family emergency," he grumbles out, wincing when he hears the loud demands of the other man. "Sir- I'm sure that the great protector of the mall can handle one day without me staring at those stupid screens. Yeah- yeah, sure, thanks."

God that man was exhausting. But he should probably hurry before he loses his nerve.

Not even bothering to change his clothes, he grabs his car keys and heads out. He's sure glad that his neighbors in the cul-de-sac don't give a single shit about anything because he tears out of there in his car and accidentally hits a fence while he's at it.

Dead. His aunt and uncle are dead, and now Zim and his other cousin- he never learned the name of the younger sibling, dammit this would probably be awkward now- are left alone.

Oh no. He knows _exactly_ what's gonna happen next.

* * *

Walking into the police station with only a bathrobe, boxers, and a tank top was probably not one of his best moments. But the man at the desk didn't seem to care, especially not with the way that he had his feet propped up and headphones over his ears.

Computer simply stares at the man until he reacts to his presence, and the man merely pulls off one of the headphone cuffs and quirks his eyebrow at him asking, "Can I help you?"

He's way too tired for this shit, but he searches his already small reserves of patience so that he can say, "I'm here for my cousins, Zim Nek and, uh, the other one."

"Oh, yeah, those kids," the guy responds with a flash of recognition in his eyes. He calls over to his buddy, "Yo, Bill, can you go get those two kids? Their cousin is here."

The officer leaves to go get his cousins, so while his instincts say to not open his mouth and say anything else, he can't help but ask, "What am I supposed to do with them?"

"I don't know, they're your cousins, not mine," the man shrugs. "You were the only listed relative so they'll probably stay with you. Congratulations, you're having boys."

"Isn't there some sort of... _procedure,_ to this?" Computer asks, not because he doesn't wanna get saddled with two kids, but because he's not too sure that he's their best option. At all.

The man makes a sound and gives him a shrug, "Probably."

Right, if there was ever a moment to forget that most of the general populace were the dumbest motherfuckers alive that would be it. 

He hears his cousin before he sees him. And then smells him next too, a sharp smell of smoke and burnt fabric assaulting his nose, causing him to cover it. 

What the hell had happened exactly?

"Release Zim!" his cousin shrieks, and there he is rounding the corner, lead by a paramedic and a firefighter. His arms are wrapped around a bundle of blankets, and he's shaking his fist at the taller men. "You will regret the day that you treated your future ruler like this!"

Oh, and there's a bicycle helmet over his face, muffling his words. The stupid thing is grey with modified pink clear glass on the holes on the top.

But Zim stops at the sight of Computer and, through the pink glass, he can see the kid's eyes widen in recognition before returning to normal.

"Ha! You have brought me the Computer, just as asked," Zim laughs loudly- and maniacally for that matter- jostling the bundle before settling it back down. "Your future doom surely awaits you. _DOOM, I say!"_

"Zim," Computer speaks, and this is the first time that he's spoken to his cousin in, fuck, six years? The kid must be twelve by now.

"Yes, yes, you are amazed by Zim, but be assured that we have _much_ to speak about when human ears are not around to listen in," his cousin says flippantly, reaching up to remove the helmet, huffing slightly when fresh air tickles his cheeks.

Computer takes just a moment to observe his cousin. The kid is still very small- now that he's slightly older he has suspicions that he might have been a premature birth, despite having been made by Miyuki, in fact he would have thought that she’d take her sweet time with him instead of rushing- and his hair has only gotten more wild and unruly although it looks as though it’s been singed at the edges. 

Zim smiles brilliantly at him, and he notices the small gap between his front teeth, but Computer can't recall if he's always had that or if it grew with him.

And then there's his state of dress to take in- wearing what looks like a dual pink-colored nightgown with puffy shoulder pads. He's wearing black stockings and from what Computer can tell black rain boots as well.

But all over his cousin is small traces of soot and ash.

Then the bundle starts to squirm against his chest, and Computer’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head at the sight of a very tiny hand waving about. Zim adjusts the bundle, and Computer can clearly see that it's a baby.

Ok. That's a new development.

So where's the other brother?

"Are you Mr. Controllar?" the paramedic asks.

"Yeah, that's me," he answers. Raising a hand to his head, he feels a headache start to form, "What- what the hell happened tonight?"

"A fire burned down their house," the fireman answers. "So far we think that someone had simply left a candle burning, when we arrived he was standing outside watching the fires, and the kid must have had half a mind to grab the baby before escaping. Couldn't say the same about his mother and uncle."

"I helped put the fires out," Zim announced.

Looking down at the kid in exasperation, the firefighter said, "Kid, somehow you made them worse."

"Worse..." Zim stared up at the man, a cheeky grin on his face. "Or better?"

"Ok, that's it, he's in your hands now," the man sighed, walking away to his section of the department.

The paramedic watched him go, before turning to the computer. "They're physically fine, but I think the older one is in shock over what happened. He keeps insisting that a monster started the fire, this happens all the time with kids- a monster in the closet killing mommy instead of daddy getting drunk and breaking her skull, you get the gist- so you just have to wait that out."

 _"LIAR,"_ Zim barks at the man before a cry from the baby causes his attention to turn downward.

"Also had a chance to look at his hospital records when looking for their last living relative- you, by the way- and he has a long list of medical complications that I don't even know how to approach, so good luck with that," the paramedic informed him. "I have to head back to the hospital now, I was obligated to stay due to protocol."

He too walks away from the family, and Computer can't help but snark knowing that the paramedic wouldn't be able to hear, "Wow. Protocol. Didn't know any administration in this city had that."

But as much as he was confused, he's not so sure that he wanted to be left alone with his cousins. This was happening all too fast, he hadn't even expected to see any of them ever again. 

And now Computer has become their sole guardian and knowing what he did about the city's record of being incompetent with just about everything he knew that leaving in an orphanage would be an even worse option.

"That medic-drone was lying you know," Zim states, walking closer to Computer. "I did not say that a monster started the fire."

Ok, that's good news, at least he wouldn't have to deal with a delusional kid who thought monsters were rea-

"A monster _ate_ mother and Uncle Spork," Zim corrects. _"I'm_ the one who started the fire."

Computer’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to wrap his obviously malfunctioning mind around that.

Did- no he must have heard him wrong.

Zim didn't just say that he was the one who set the house on fire.

That'd be ridiculous.

Right?

Zim seemed oblivious to the crisis that his older cousin was going through because he simply blinked up at him and asked, "Are we going to pick up Gir now?"

Pressing his lips firmly against each other, Computer tried to figure out where he had gone wrong in life to end up deserving this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Miyuki and Spork are _not_ married, sorry if I confused anyone, but they do switch between each other's houses for reasons that will be explained later  
> -Computer's parents are unspecified Control Brains  
> -Computer works surveillance at the mall with Sargent Slab Rankle, his hours are 12 am to 7 am  
> -It hasn't been stated yet but the baby is Minimoose  
> -The bicycle helmet is supposed to resemble a PAK
> 
> I'll try to update as frequently as I can, if you'd like to contact me you can find me at either: spacecadetmurray (my writing blog) or gayspacecaptain (my cartoon blog)! Until next time!


	2. Car Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you really believe that you summoned a monster? That monsters even exist?" Computer felt as though he was being too harsh on his cousin, but fuck, this whole situation was going to turn his hair grey.
> 
> "Zim did not think that you would question him," Zim scoffed. "Of course I do! After all, the Amazing Zim- and by extension, Gir and Minimoose, I suppose- is not human himself!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super happy to see people like the story so far! I'm just kinda here to vibe and trying to loosen up with my writing :>
> 
> Big thanks and kisses to this chapter's Beta, Josh, who had absolutely no clue what was going on but still helped clean this up! I hope you all enjoy!

Ushering the two siblings to his car, Computer makes an internal checklist and goes over it at least fifty times.

If his cousins are going to be living with him then he'd probably have to do a lot of shopping for food and clothes. Kids didn't need anything else, right? Wait, were they still young enough to want toys? He was pretty sure they were like cats: if you threw them a random object they could play with it all day long, but if you bought them a nice toy then they wouldn't play with it even once.

Computer would leave the clothes and food up to them, that seemed reasonable- he wasn't going to spend money on something they wouldn't wear or eat. The mall didn't pay him nearly enough to be wasteful. 

Then that left trying to find a place to fit all three of them-  _ three, _ fuck, he hasn't even collected the last sibling yet- in his house. Computer supposes that he could fit two of them in either the attic or the basement and the other in the one they didn't choose. 

Pros of this idea: they'd spend most of their time  _ not _ on the first floor. Cons: he had no idea if those were ok areas for children to stay. 

But Computer literally had nowhere else to put them and he definitely wasn't gonna let them steal his bed.

He's broken out of his thoughts when Zim asks for the second time, "Well, are we going to get Gir now?"

Sighing and pulling his keys out of his pocket, he asks, "Who's Gir?"

Zim stared at him, looking up and down with one squinted as if he was wondering if he was being serious.

"You went to his baby-shower," Zim stated plainly.

Biting the inside of his cheek, he logs the name into his memory, looks down at the baby whose name he also doesn't know, and figures one strike was more than enough for the night.

"Where is he right now?" Computer finds the right key and unlocks the car. He slid in without a second thought to put the key in the ignition, and it's when he hears the backseat door open that he realizes two things about his car.

The first was that it was filthy with fast-food wrappers everywhere. And the second-

"There's no baby-seat," Zim starts to enter with one knee on the seat, holding on tightly to the baby. Shifting the baby into one arm, he quickly sweeps some of the wrappers onto the floor with a disgusted grimace.

"I wasn't really expecting a baby to ever be in my car," he says bluntly.

Silent for all but a moment, Zim slides in and moves the baby so that he can put on his seat belt. After clicking it in, he brings the baby closer, wraps his left arm over the baby's middle, and his right arm cradles the baby to his chest.

"Zim can make do, but Computer, you really need to buy a baby-seat if we're to take Minimoose anywhere, isn't that right Minimoose?" Zim looks down at his baby brother. 

Throwing his hands up in the air, the baby- Minimoose- just lets out a, "Nyeh!"

His cousins had weird-ass names, Computer concluded.

"Here," Zim shoves a slip of paper towards him. "Gir is hanging out at- ugh, his friend's house."

An addressed was scrawled on the paper, and given the neat cursive, he could figure out that it was Aunt Miyuki's handwriting.

Aunt Miyuki, who was dead.

His eyes don't water at the thought of her or Uncle Spork. Computer doesn't feel a pang in his heart at his only other living relatives no longer being alive.

He just really doesn't care. Maybe he's a little glad too. 

The older Computer got, the more he realized that his family weren't really good people.

One bright side? He recognized the address and started the car.

"It was supposed to be a sleepover," Zim continues, staring out the window. "Zim is sure that the Terras have been notified about the fire. They will not mind if we get him early."

Right, the last thing on his checklist. Asking some questions about the whole... fire and  _ monster _ thing.

Driving away from the police station, he begins starting up small talk- which he normally hated, but otherwise, this car ride would be far too somber and awkward for him to handle- with, "How did you start the fire?"

"Zim wanted to let the gas on the stove keep running, but that would take too long," his cousin explained. "Zim could already hear the monster upstairs, I needed something quicker. So Zim used matches and oil."

"Does anyone else know that you started the fire?" Computer tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, his primary concern is that his cousin didn't need to be arrested for arson at the age of twelve.

"Yes, they know, but they don't believe me," Zim growled. "Just like they don't believe me about the monster."

"About that-" Zim whipped his head to glare at him through the rear-view mirror. "Why are you so convinced that there was a monster?"

"Because Red and Purple told me that it was real, they told Zim how to summon it, and it appeared," his cousin explained vehemently. "They wouldn't lie to Zim! I'm their favorite, you see."

"And you really believe that you summoned a monster? That monsters even exist?" Computer felt as though he was being too harsh on his cousin, but fuck, this whole situation was going to turn his hair grey.

"Zim did not think that you would question him," Zim scoffed. "Of course I do! After all, the Amazing Zim- and by extension, Gir and Minimoose, I suppose- is not human himself!"

"What? No, you guys are just... test-tube babies? Or something, Miyuki wasn't really forthcoming with how she made you guys," Computer argued.

"LIAR!" Zim barked. "We are supernatural creatures! Like Bigfeets and the Flatwoods monster! Zim is a member of the Armada Net-"

"Ok, now I know you're just fucking with me," Computer. "That was just a collection of words to me."

"Ugh, you're just like the rest of these smelly humans despite being a supercomputer," Zim rolled his eyes.

"Not a computer," he snaps back immediately. "And you're human as well."

"Incorrect," his cousin retorted. "Minimoose, show the Computer that you have psychic abilities!"

Minimoose smacked Zim's face, proclaiming, "Nyeh!"

Gently grabbing his hand, Zim says, "Gah, you're just like Gir! Useless when Zim needs you to prove our superiority over these Earth monkeys!"

Computer was pretty sure that the baby was drooling as it gargled, "Nyeh!"

Silent for only a second, Zim sighed and said, "No, you're right, I can't stay mad at you, Minimoose."

Glad that the subject had been changed before he  _ really _ upset his poor, insane cousin, he pulled up against the curb, announcing, "We're here."

Unbuckling his seat belt, Zim set Minimoose aside and said, "Stay here, Minimoose, and just know that if you so  _ happen _ to use your  _ very real _ psychic abilities to, oh I don't know, hit the Computer on the head with one of the  _ filthy _ wrappers that he's left in his car, then Zim would be very happy with you."

Very subtle Zim, just outright threaten Computer next time, why not?

Getting out of the car, Zim folded his hands behind his back and started marching up to the door, looking very ridiculous considering that there wasn't any time to change out of his slightly charred nightgown.

Knocking on the door, he stood to the side and waited. 

Thankfully, considering the circumstances that led to him having to even need to pick up Gir in the first place, Mrs. Terra opened the door, and Computer lowered the passenger side window so that he could hear what they were saying.

"Gir doesn't know yet," the woman states bluntly. "His things are all packed. You have a place to stay tonight?"

"Yes, yes, mother-drone," Zim waved her off. "Bring Gir to Zim now, I don't have all night."

Rolling her eyes, she walked back into the house, and not a second later did a younger and smaller boy in a green dog onesie come running up to the door.

Just behind him, a stoic faced little girl in a black cat onesie came up behind him, glaring at the sight of Zim but not saying anything.

"Brother, brother!" the boy cried out with a happy smile. "We going home now?"

"Eh." Zim- at least from Computer's position in the car- looked apprehensive. "No, Gir. Home is gone."

"Gone?" Gir blinked. "Like on vacation? How long?"

"Forever," Zim answered. "It was a stinky house anyways, we're going somewhere much nicer. Possibly."

"Okey-dokey!" his younger cousin stuck his tongue out as he smiled. "We go now?"

"Yes, we're going now, so get your things and go to that car there," Zim pointed at where Computer was waiting.

Gir turned back into the house to pick up a brightly colored duffel bag decorated in glitter stickers, then turned to the little girl and yelled out, "Bye, MiMi!"

"Gir, not so loud!" Zim scolded. "You'll wake up the She-Devil."

A new voice sounded out into the night, a taller girl walking up to the door and shadowed by the light behind her, saying, "I was already awake,  _ Zim." _

"Absolutely disgusting, witch," Zim insulted her immediately.

"It wasn't enough for you to ruin other people's lives, but you just had to go and ruin your own too," the girl accused. 

"Don't be ridiculous,  _ Tak," _ Zim hissed. "Zim hasn't ruined anybody's life!"

"Tch, that's what  _ you _ think," Tak hissed right back at him. "Just take your stupid brother and go. MiMi stayed up way past her bedtime after hearing about what you did."

"Ah, see? Even a horrible beast like you, Tak, can see the amazing feats of Zim!" his cousin said, pointedly looking in Computer's direction.

"That's not something to be proud of," she just shook her head. "Leave. Don't make me ask again."

"Zim heard you the first time," Zim rolled his eyes, going down the walkway, dragging Gir behind him as he continued to wave to his friend.

Once he got to the car, Computer mulled over the apparent hatred of the two older children shared.

"Hold Minimoose, Gir," Zim commanded. "I need to establish my superiority over that horrible Tak-beast."

And that apparently entailed rolling down the window and putting his head out of it so that he could glare at her. It must've been an established thing considering that she stayed in her doorway to glare at him back.

Pressing his lips together, Computer moved the car up to the next house and then stopped.

"Computer! What are you doing?!" Zim yelled. "Why aren't you moving the car?"

Unbuckling, and turning back in his seat, he nodded his head towards the house, "This? This is my house."

He waited for that sentence to process in his younger cousin’s head, and he feels as though he should be concerned that it took all of a minute before Zim yelled, "WHAT?! NO!"

Getting out of the car, he opened the back door for Gir who hopped out without a second thought. Zim scrambled out of the car all on his own, staring down Tak- who also looked shocked at the fact that the car stopped and the passengers were getting out.

"Zim forbids this!" his younger cousin bellowed, watching helplessly as Computer approached his door to unlock it. "I refuse to become the neighbor of my most hated enemy!"

"Neighbors?!" Tak yells, rushing over to the fence that divided the two houses. 

"Neighbors?! With MiMi?" Gir starts cheering happily, running around the front-yard bouncing Minimoose with his movements, causing the baby to laugh.

"No, Gir, this is terrible, disastrous!" Zim collapsed onto the grass. "Gir, yell in anguish with me!"

Gir didn't listen to him. He just continued to celebrate. 

Not having his sibling on his side, Zim turned towards Computer and begged, "COMPUTER-"

"Nope," he got the door open and went inside without another look.

Looking around the living room, he started moving valuable things out of reach of grubby and sticky child hands and getting rid of any choking hazards for the baby.

Muffled through the walls of the house, he heard Zim yell into the night, quickly joined by Tak as well, having no regard for the other neighbors in the cul-de-sac. 

Computer's pulling extra blankets out of the closet when he hears the door slam open and closed.

"Computer! Why did you not tell Zim this very important information?!" his cousin demanded, angrily ripping off his rain-boots, hopping on one foot as he struggled to do so.

"Literally, how was I supposed to know?" Computer deadpanned. "I haven't seen you in years."

"Well, no matter! It's no use, as the house computer you are unable to move this building away," Zim bemoaned.

"Once again, not a computer," by this point, Computer was just about to give up correcting his cousin.

Still sulking, Zim looked around at the living room, and asked, "Where are you going to keep us?"

"Two of you can take the attic or the basement," Computer answered.

Zim stared at him, then took Minimoose from Gir and held him up to the Computer.

Not knowing what he wanted him to do with the baby, he could only ask, "Do you... want me to hold the baby?"

"You are telling Zim... that you plan to leave a baby in either an attic or the basement?" Zim explained. "He can hardly crawl, how do you expect him to use stairs?"

Ok, yeah, that- Zim had a point there.

"Then he can stay in the living room until he's older," he relinquished. "You and Gir can share the attic until then. But not right now, it's not prepared yet."

"We can sleep on the couch until then," Zim agreed, settling Minimoose on the floor.

Zim took the blankets from Computer's hands, settling a few on the floor to build a nest of sorts that he then placed Minimoose into, and settled the others on the couch.

"Since you're going to be staying here now," Computer pretended like that sentence didn't age his soul by a thousand years, "I'm going to need to buy you guys some things- clothes and food. Since Gir is the only one with any change of clothes, we'll go to the mall tomorrow. Or a thrift store. Depends."

"Yes, yes, Zim is fine with this- except for the food. You must let me write the grocery list," Zim said. 

"Why?" Computer questioned, having a feeling that if he let a kid control the groceries he'd be stuck with a bunch of unhealthy- and tempting- junk food. 

"I have a very long list of allergies, mostly food-related," Zim explained. "Also, I know what Gir likes to eat, and what brand of baby formula to get for Minimoose."

"Oh," he blinked. "That's fair. Just write down what you're allergic to, I'll make sure to avoid those products."

"And you'll need to get my medications too," Zim informed him. "I didn't grab any after starting the fire. Zim made sure to get Minimoose before running out of the house. It hasn't even crossed my mind until now."

Making a pinched face, he starts to think about the cost of constantly getting  _ multiple _ medications.

"Oh, don't make that face," Zim huffed, closing his eyes and turning his nose up at the older cousin. "Once the will is looked at you'll find that you're going to get a substantial amount of money."

"How do you know this?" Computer asks in lieu of his shock that he was even included in a will.

"Red and Purple made sure Zim looked at mother's will, and Uncle Spork's too," Zim revealed. "They were both very wealthy, and most of the money is supposed to go to Zim when I got older, but there's a clause that states if anything  _ unfortunate _ were to happen to us before we were old enough, it would go directly to you."

Very strange and very concerning, in a way, that they would think their lives dangerous enough that they might expire sooner than thought- they were just businessmen, right?

But something else that Zim said made him pause.

"Who're Red and Purple?" This was the second time that Zim had mentioned them, and Computer wanted to know why they were asking a twelve-year-old to look into his parent’s will.

"The Tallest!" Zim chirped, looking far too happy for a kid whose parent had just died. "The newest leaders of the Armada Network. They assign Zim missions to search for supernatural entities. I'm their best agent!"

Ignoring the nonsense at the end, he inquired further, "How old are they?"

"Oh, about your age," Zim answered vaguely.

Computer was never really one of those people who bought into the fact that the internet was inherently dangerous.

But if this was the kind of shit Miyuki was letting her kids get up to then he'd really need to do something about that.

"Yeah, no," he said. "You're banned from going on this- what did you say it was? Armada Network? Yeah, that. Not in my house."

"What? Why?" Zim didn't look nearly as happy anymore. "You cannot stop Zim from doing what he wants!"

"Actually I can. Since I’m-" he tried to recall the weird term Zim had used before, "-the 'house computer', that means I have eyes... everywhere. And I'm in every computer. So I'll know if you try to contact them in this house."

Zim scrunched up his face in anger, but quickly deflated looking far too calm and smug for a kid that was just told 'no.'

"Very well, Computer," Zim acquiesced. "I promise to not contact them in your house."

"Good," it didn't feel as though he won there, but a quick glance at the clock showed that it was far too early in the morning for this, and while he normally was awake at this time, he wasn't currently at work and so there was no reason for him to not go to sleep. 

Plus the kids should have definitely been in bed by now. Probably. At least, he assumed they had a bedtime. 

Walking towards his bedroom, he left the kids to settle down in the bed, and he only stopped when Zim called out to him.

"Yes?" he turned around.

For a second he wonders if the kid was going to wish him a good night, but all Zim said was, "Your house is filthy."

Yeah, that sounded about right.

"Night, Zim," he said finally going to bed.

He's already passed out on top of his bed, so he's not awake to hear Zim return a, "...goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -if a child can be named 'The Letter M' in canon I can get away with changing no one's names here  
> -unless otherwise stated all adults are to be presumed unnamed Control Brains  
> -this fic is gonna be done in three arcs, Arc 1 (The Monster), Arc 2 (The Children), and Arc 3 (The Alien)  
> -this is all the set up for the start of Arc 1, so as soon as everything settles down in fic we can move onto the good stuff lol  
> -The Armada Network is this worlds version of the Swollen Eyeball Network, except much more mean and shady  
> -I changed the tag 'religious cult' to 'secret organization' because the second term fit much better with what I'm aiming for
> 
> Hoping to update soon, possibly by next Monday? Anyhow, I hope you all have a lovely day, thank you for reading!


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